


Downtime

by StoryStratos



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cutesy, Emily loves cuddles, F/F, Flashbacks, Friends to Lovers, Hot Chocolate, I Edited This Instead of Living, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'll try to update this more often, Lemon Tea, Lena just loves, Memories, Mothering AI, No Widowmaker, Role Reversal, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Gestures, Slice of Life, Smol DVa Little DVa, Sweet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-12-25 10:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12034296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StoryStratos/pseuds/StoryStratos
Summary: Drabbles about the times away from the frontline.The original FF.net "Lemon Tea" story! Now it's here so I can share the love, have a sane tagging system (aka, one at all) and generally re-release them as some kind of "author's edition" - i.e. more consistent as a "series" and writing style.Mostly Lena / Emily sweetness, there is more in the works for the other characters though. Only 1 Talon character planned at the moment. And no, it's not Widowmaker.1st - Christmas Spirit: Tracer's girlfriend stumbles through Christmas.2st - Hot Chocolate: Lena and Emily make some hot chocolate. Emily learns a dark truth.3rd - Health Pack: Emily wants a coffee. Lena wants a shower.4th - Christmas Day(break): Lena and Emily enjoy a slow Christmas morning.5th - (COMING SOON TM) Express Delivery: After seeing Emily off to work, Lena goes back to bed. She later finds Emily's lunch on the counter. It's almost lunchtime. Sounds like as good a time as any to panic.





	1. Christmas Spirit

6:30 PM, Christmas Day, London, 2078

A plucky Brit bounced along the streets during the lull of the coming night, her giggles as bubbly as her movement, whilst I watch in mirth from beside her, arms laden with a large cylindrical present (nuh-ah! No guesses for what's inside!).

As Lena is distracted, once again, by window shopping, I feel the slight tug of my mind as that feeling of déjà vu begins to creep in; window shopping in a far away Tibetan street market.

_ "Emily! Look at this! Do you think it would fit Zenny?" _

_ I laugh. Frankly, the massive turban looks more than a little ridiculous on Lena. Why something like that is here in the streets of Kathmandu, I have no clue, but it makes her look tiny. To be honest, that cocky grin is enchanting anyway, as if Lena knows how good she looks even with such a comically oversized hat on. _

_ A little bit of me now wants to confirm whether it's a hat or not. There's technically no brim, but I suppose that one could be made depending on how it's wound, so it could be- _

_ My brain short-circuits from a pincer attack, on one side Lena kissing my cheek (leaving me blushing, no doubt) and the other from a sudden gust of chilly air down my neck, making me regret not having anything with a tight collar. _

_ I shiver, and to be fair it could be from either one. _

_ "Earth to Emily, whatcha think?" _

_ I look up to see Tracer, aviators donned, ridiculous (yet so beautiful) smirk, hair swept just the right way, that low background hum of her "off-duty" chronal accelerator, a tiny figurine held in her hands. _

_ —No way! _

_ I shriek a little bit, a tiny porcelain DVa figurine dangling before me. It's  _ adorable _. Especially since I've actually met the real DVa and can totally imagine her being shrunk to this height. _

_ "I know, right?" _

_ "How many are there?!" _

_ Lena giggles and points towards the stall beside us, a little bit further down from where we were earlier. Huh, I really got distracted- _

_ "Oh my god. It's a tiny Winston. Gimme!" _

_ I am totally absorbed by the Overwatch souvenir stand (technically unofficial, but clearly the work of devout fans) as I pour over the array of porcelain and plastic miniatures, embossed icons, plush dolls, pachimaris and the endless variety of stickers, badges and keychains. I like to think that I select a variety of pieces, however Lena comments on something. _

_ "Emmy, that's a lot of DVa and not very much of me. You have more Winstons and Jamies than me!" _

_ I look down for a moment and count it all up. Huh, I even have twice as much Reinhardt merchandise. Glad I got some bags for all this. _

_ "Hush," I kiss Lena on the forehead for a moment (it's nice being taller), "I've got the real thing, so why would I want little toys that are only 50% more fluffy?" _

_ Lena coughs at this, eyes wide as she stares up at me slightly (definitely nice being taller) with a growing blush. _

_ "Really? 50%? I'd say more like 20." _

_ "Hmm, let's leave it at 35 and call it even?" I mime pondering, hand resting near my chin before I dip in for another kiss. _

_ "Mm-… Deal." Lena's looking at me with nearly sparkling eyes. Not actually sparkling, that can't happen — though I've seen Winston's sparking... I guess that's close? _

_ Another breath of chilling wind gives me bumps along my neck. This time I definitely shiver from the cold. _

_ "Shall we head back?" _

_ Lena saw my shiver then. _

_ "Yeah, just hang on," I turn around to pay the omnic attending to the stall before catching up to her, "It's just colder than I thought it'd be." _

_ "Let me warm you up?" Lena says this with a contrasting innocent voice and seductive smirk. Damn, if only we weren't staying with the Shambali tonight... _

_ "Sure, I could do with a snuggle. Though you'll have to wait until we get back to the Orca." _

_ Then again, if Athena is flying… _

I hold back a giggle, pulling my new scarf up to keep out the cold and keep in the sound.

The scarf is wonderfully soft against my cold—but thankfully not yet numb—face. Lena found such a perfect scarf… I know I said that she tries to do too much, but I kinda love that about her. And to be fair, it's a lot more practical than the beanie from my parents. I mean, come on. Really? A beanie that I can't even pull down to my ears?

At least the beanie was red. I like red. Although I guess that I also like the blue from her Lena's accelerator. It's a surprisingly soothing colour, now that I've come to associate it with an imminent kiss. Or perhaps some of the oranges that she so adores. It's  _ almost _ red, I suppose. Actually, that's probably why she likes my hair so much. Huh, never thought about it that way.

My stomach flips for a moment and suddenly, there I am, staring up into Lena's luxurious milk chocolate brown eyes.

"Fall for me, love?"

I blink for a moment. What happened? I was caught up in my thoughts, I think.

Oh.

I slipped. And Tracer caught me.

And now she's giggling at the surprise on my face. At least I didn't drop the present.

"Why do I feel like we're some comedy duo."

"Better a romcom than some sappy romance!"

"Hey! I happen to like some of those!"

Lena pokes me on the nose as I fake pouting.

"Yeah, but yours are all fanfics."

Okay, now I'm  _ pouting _ . I swear. I think Lena notices the shift in my eyes, that natural defensive withdrawal. Proof?

She's kissing me fairly hard right now.

As in can't-and-don't-want-to-breath kinda hard.

So, it's not my fault when I collapse into her faintly.

We arrive at the Watchpoint about fifteen minutes later. To be fair, we saved time as we actually managed to catch the tube with nary a delay once Lena finally found her presents for our hosts.

Of course, one does not simply walk into Overwatch. It is  _ technically _ an illegal vigilante group, so you have to at least persuade the doorman to let you in first. Or in this case, doorwoman/AI? I've never actually asked Athena whether she had a gender identity, or even thought that gender mattered at all. I suppose that her voice makes me subconsciously identify the AI as a female, though I suppose that it doesn't really matter for now.

The front door (I suppose it's the front door, I mean, does a Watchpoint even have front doors?) slides open, revealing a massive lumbering fluffball. I can't help but smile at the sight of Winston. It's easy to forget that he isn't human, what with how similar he is to many of the human (and omnic) academics I know.

Especially when a giant grin beams from his obviously joyful face.

Lena apologises for being late, citing our brief shopping trip as the cause for delay instead of our make-out sessions before and during the journey here. Then again, Winston still doesn't quite understand every aspect of human interaction yet, and our private time is  _ our _ private time.

Even so, it's warming when he wraps us into a mammoth hug. Oh— and is that a new Christmas jumper? No, I think that might be Lena's gift from last year, actually. How time flies.

I can't help but hug the big guy back, our group embrace lasting longer than most but never feeling uncomfortable. Then again, it's like hugging a massive plushie, and I can do that for  _ hours _ .

Eventually, Winston releases us so that we can greet Athena, the almost ever-present mothering AI.

"Merry/Happy Christmas, Athena." Lena and I start, waving to Athena's portable terminal, which is currently over by the main desk.

[Season's greetings, Lena, Emily. As you can see, I'm currently in party mode.]

I giggle to this, while Lena just smiles at the comforting synthetic voice and turns around to help Winston with whatever he needs.

I lean against the desk, watching as Lena helps Winston with the finishing touches to the dinner.

There's a sudden wrenching feeling in my chest as the two start laughing brilliantly.

[Are you quite alright, Emily?] Athena seems to have noticed something.

I start and notice that a tear pooling in my eye. Wiping it away, I assure the AI.

"I'm fine. It's just… I feel like, sometimes, I just couldn't live without those two… I mean… After…"

My throat tightens up and I can't talk anymore.

[After the accident?]

Athena seems to understand. I just nod.

"I just— I owe so much to Winston, and it hurt so much when Lena just… she was there but she wasn't there and nothing I could do seemed to help at the time… everything I knew failed me and…"

[But look at them now.]

I flinch slightly.

There, across from us, currently toying around with a turkey that barely fit in Winston's oversized palms, were two friends, laughing and playing around. Lena had latched onto Winston's arm, laughing as she was lifted into the air.

Lena's laugh. It was  _ so _ beautiful.

Lena's smile. Wide and toothy and perfect.

Lena's eyes. Bright with immeasurable happiness.

It was Lena. Not the Lena from before the accident, nor the Lena during or after it.

It was just Lena.

And that was all that really mattered.

Oh, and Winston too, I suppose.

I hiccup slightly, however that turns into a short laugh. It probably sounded quite depreciating.

"Look at me. The psychiatrist getting counsel from the student."

[One of my many functions, and one you taught me, is to help support the mental and emotional well being of all Overwatch members.]

"Heh. Yeah. I suppose that's it? Even if I'm not someone on the frontlines, I'm still a member of Overwatch. We're all one big, messy family, aren't we?"

[I believe that's the idea. Merry Christmas, Emily.]

"Merry Christmas, Athena," I push myself from the table and grab her terminal, "Time to join the family."

That night was one of the nicest Christmas' we've had in years. Winston was delighted to find a new safari cap from Lena and an extra-large tub of peanut butter from me. Apparently, Athena had given him her present earlier. Lena was surprised at Winston's gift of expensive Swiss chocolates, clearly restraining herself to have just the one, while my present made her nearly cry in joy: a photo from Nepal, the two of us wrapped up in winter clothing as we posed alongside the statue of Mondatta in the Shambali monastery, signed by none other than the monk himself.

I think I screamed a little bit when I got an eighth-scale Bastion plushie from Winston. I couldn't help but go "beep-boop" with and squish and hug constantly going "dwee-dwee-dwoo" to Christmas tunes.

Athena truly surprised us with a joint gift, a beautifully framed picture of us when we were younger, before Lena joined Overwatch — technically, if I remember correctly, before we were even going out, though only just. It was a picture of the track team at our university, Lena the rising ace and I the coach/manager, looking infinitely more nervous than the charismatic star. What would that be, almost ten years ago? Maybe not quite… that'll be the photo taken on the morning of her first national event and her subsequent confession (I can tell by her tracksuit, I remember it well), so about seven years ago? Was it really that long ago?

"Thanks, Athena." Lena and I chorus, Lena hardly able to pull her eyes from the slightly younger version of me in a tracksuit jumper. Looks like I'll have to see if I've got that in the wardrobe somewhere...

[It's my pleasure.]

Afterwards, Lena got a little drunk, which is always a mixture of hilarious and terrifying, Winston failed at party games (and was outright banned from piñata indefinitely), I failed to harmonise with Athena while carolling because Lena had decided that my lap was a perfectly good place to rest, and we all had a wonderful time.

Eventually, however, Lena reached her limit, curling up against me and promptly falling asleep. I apologised that we'd probably have to stay over then, since there was no way I was carrying Lena back to our apartment. Obviously, Winston and Athena said that it was nothing, so I hoisted my sleeping girlfriend over to one of the spare bedrooms.

Pulling the duvet over us, Lena began to wrap herself around me, octopus-like as I turned my back into her. I'm happy right now. Happy, content, blissful and hopeful, but most of all I am happy. Lena is here, happier than ever, some of my friends and family are here, some are elsewhere in the world, celebrating with us in spirit.

Here's to next year.


	2. Hot Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Emily make some hot chocolate. Emily learns a dark truth.

"Hot chocolate?"

"Ooh... Please~"

I watch as Lena stretches out over the couch, not quite long enough to reach the far armrest with her feet, but with enough of an arch that I cannot resist staring.

No, seriously. It's like a condition. If Lena stretches, especially when she's wearing her Tracer bottoms, I have to look, otherwise it's very bad for my health – I swear.

With a deep grin (no doubt, although I can't see it) I make my way over to the kitchenette. Let's see, which one is the powder in? 

I must have mumbled to myself, because Lena pipes up: "Uh, probably left side, bottom drawer? Got called out when I last went shopping so I kinda threw a bunch in there."

Bottom drawer? Let's see...

"Aha! Thanks, Lena. Let's whip this up in a jiffy. Milk?"

"Yes please, love! Oh, and can you grab the biscuits? Cabinet to your right." 

Lena's wish is my command, so I make a show of opening the packet and displaying the first biscuit delicately on a plate, balanced against the packet. I'm glad it opened without grief. Spilled biscuits are no laughing matter. 

Waiting as the milk heats up, I turn to watch Lena on the sofa.

It's a dangerous sight. Honestly, professional models probably would find it hard to pose so naturally and innocently and beautifully, yet there Lena is, legs tucked in just right, pushing her knees up, arms draped from the back to the floor, head tilted to face me. Our eyes make and keep contact.

I'm falling. Gravity is pulling the wrong way (or is it the right way?) and in that moment everything is Tracer, everything is Lena, and everything is perfect. 

"You're burning the milk."

I don't know what Lena said, but it was beautiful. 

…

"Crap-!"

I'm vaguely aware that Lena is stifling her giggles in the background, however I'm now focused on taking the pan off the hob and seeing if the milk is salvageable.

I sigh. No such luck.

Just as I dump the frankly rather disgusting smelling milk and reach for the carton, a familiar hand rests atop my own.

"Don't worry love, cavalry's here!"

I lean backwards into the half embrace and laugh, "Ever get that feeling of déjà vu?"

We giggle into each other for a moment before attempting the task at hand. Heh, pun.

While it's strange having someone else's hand atop your own as you do something, Lena is incredibly compliant so it feels more like having a sentient glove. Not that I know what a sentient glove feels like – although apparently the one that Lena defended about a year ago was such a glove. That would be weird, being sentient and a glove, or just any clothing, wouldn't it? Though I suppose from the glove's perspective... Ah- don't put too much in! I'm getting distracted again!

"Lee-na! I know how to make a hot chocolate!"

"Tell that to the sink. But if you're so confident, then off~" Lena retracts her hand with a flair, "Come the stabilisers!" repositions it on my hip in a moment before balancing her as she leans in for a quick kiss.

I can't think and can't stop thinking all in the same moment. It's random thoughts, like how Lena's lips taste of balm and caramel, but caramel and chocolate as a compound bar is disgusting, but the average airspeed velocity of a migrating unladen African swallow is twenty four miles per hour, meanwhile Lena's eyes are the softest chocolate brown that sparkle with unadulterated joy and life, just as they did all those years ago, when Lena won the national university 100m sprint with a time just shy of the men's world record (finishing 9.62 seconds with a crowd winning smile). Now there's a tongue in the mix and the anteater can flick its tongue a hundred and sixty times a second a hundred and sixty is the sum of the first eleven primes first eleven referring to classical uni cricket teams primes form the basis of asymmetric cryptography yet now I have to breathe but Lena's still kissing me and it's beginning to burn in my lungs and soon my ribs will start to contract from CO2 build-up but time is stretching out and Lena's eyes are still there so close while the world seems to be getting further away like we're accelerating to the speed of light together and-

The pressure is gone. Breathe. Just breathe. Breathe for a moment and don't think, don't even  _ think _ about breathing, just breathe.

...

...

...

Okay...

I think I'm okay.

Lena's hand is on mine again, keeping me from spilling or crushing the milk. I slowly begin to focus on the world again. It's been awhile since Lena decided to kiss me so passionately and so out of the blue, but that doesn't explain why I'm so disorientated or breathless right now.

"Hey, are you okay, love?"

I've stumbled slightly and Lena's caught me by the shoulders. I'm still trying to catch my breath, but it's like catching a fish while my lungs are still burning slightly. 

A connection suddenly lights up in my mind and blazes like wildfire. Oh no. 

_ I'm unfit. _

I mean, I wasn't  _ Lena's _ level of fit, or heavens help, like Zarya, but I wasn't  _ un _ fit. Uni and Overwatch had kept me in the gym a lot, either for my own fitness and stress relief or when I worked with people using the gyms – many people like having a training partner it seems.

But I suppose that since the Petras Act and the abolishment of Overwatch, I've not had the luxury of access to such facilities around the clock, and many of those I work with now are academics; the normal civilians (who don't participate in military level fitness training) and omnics (who don't even  _ need _ fitness training) that I work with now.

"Yeah, just-... just catching my breath."

As I get up from Lena, I can see the worry in her eyes. 

"Lena, baby. Do I look fine to you?" I struggle to keep the disappointment from my voice.

"... I don't know. You seemed tired earlier, and now you're out of breath, so I'm a little worried, I suppose."

I want to laugh at this but I can't. Lena is the one rushing off at a moment's notice to protect the innocent, only to come home completely shattered, sometimes not even making it past the couch or even the doorway. She's the one who comes back with cuts and lacerations and bullet wounds and burn marks and torn muscles and ligaments and broken bones, yet always smiles when she sees me with that lopsided grin that makes my heart flutter and beat anew after stopping at the sight of her. I still remember how she smiled before breaking down into tears after Mondatta...

I kiss the bridge of her nose.

"I'm fine. Academia keeps me out of the gym is all. I think there's one on the campus, so I might start to go again, so for now hold back a little when kissing, Casanova."

Lena blinks, breathes out through her nose in a way that makes it cutely flare, and rests her forehead against mine as I put down the milk. It's nice. I can feel Lena right up against me and can see her eyes in all their detail and glory. I could stay like this for hours. 

Lena wants to go back to the couch though, so breaks off after a little while (not long enough) and releases me. I only just realised that her other arm had been around me this whole time, keeping me close and insurance for my balance.

I sigh. From here, hopefully the hot chocolate will be clean sailing. Hopefully. 

I don't burn the milk the second time around at least.

As I heap some of the chocolate powder into two mugs I pour a little of the simmering milk in to start dissolving away the chocolate. The rest goes into a flask so I can shake it. It's my mother's recipe. It's a little therapeutic, I suppose, shaking the hot milk the same way my mother did all those years ago on cold winter nights like this. Hot chocolate, woolly jumpers, crackling fires, gingerbread- that's something I forgot, did Lena buy any? 

"Honeybun, did you buy any gingerbread?"

Lena looks up towards me in thought, not at me though, more of that slightly distant look of someone querying themselves as they work through their memories. 

"Are they not in the drawer the coco powder was in?"

I check the drawer in question, however it doesn't look like it. Beans, napkins, soup tins and jelly pouches, sure, but no gingerbread. I'll probably have to organise this all later.

"Nope. Unless you want jelly in your hot chocolate~" I tease, watching Lena's face turn from a curious frown to a look of revulsion. 

"Ew, no. No, no no no. If they're not where the digestives were then I've got nothing. I don't remember buying them at least. Sorry, love."

"It's alright." I just thought I'd ask. You'd never believe how much food she buys only to then squirrel away. And it's usually random assorted stuff she thinks she'll try out but either goes off or is given away most of the time. "We'll just go without."

I finish off shaking the milk, unscrewing the cap as I decanter it into the two mugs. The thick aroma of chocolate and milk begins to fill the room. Ah, it's a shame that there are no marshmallows either. 

Carrying both mugs, I let Lena scoot over slightly as she sits upright, taking her drink from the proffered hand.

"Thanks."

I kiss her cheek in response.

We're nursing the hot chocolates, the divine beverages gulped down with a satisfying sense of warmth.

I shift slightly, careful so that neither of us spill anything. 

Lena rests an arm on my stomach, cuddling me close as I lean into her chest. The TV on the wall is off, the lights are dim and the snow is falling outside.

I can't bring myself to worry about anything, it's like I'm melting into Lena's warmth – and the hot chocolate only makes my insides melt all the faster. I can hear the soft rhythm of her breaths and feel them as her shoulders rise and fall slightly. She's here, right here, right now, and I am going to spend as much time as I can by her side. I could say that this is like heaven, that it is pure bliss and joy, but I won't.

I won't because it is so much more than those and it is so tangibly  _ real _ . This is truly peaceful. It is calm. It is warm and relaxing and _ home _ .  _ This _ is my home.  _ Lena _ is my home.

After all, home is where the heart is.


	3. Health Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emily wakes up to find Lena has far too much energy. Lena wakes up to find a goddess in her bed. Emily wants a coffee. Lena wants a shower. (I toy with perspective.)

…

Uh?

…

Mmm…

…

Oh?

The world is a series of disjointed blurs, but the light pressure against my lips is perfectly in focus.

"Morning, love."

Hmm, that's a nice sound to wake to.

I follow the warmth slightly, tilting upward before I can blink away the sleep to see the grinning face of my love hovering just over me.

"Lee~naa~"

Ah, was that too needy?

…

…

"Eeeee!"

I spend the first minute trying to paw Lena away from my face, however eventually resign myself to the little kisses covering every inch of my face.

Urgh, how does she have so much energy?

* * *

 

This is nice. Creepy? Maybe a little? I don't know; I think I threw common sense out a long time ago. Was it when I first slipped out of time? Or maybe before, when I fell in love with my coach?

Somewhere between the two, perhaps.

But this is nice.

It's criminally rare that I'm allowed to just… y'know… sit here.

The rise and fall of her breathing is mesmerising.

Such a steady pace. It's kinda slow, actually. I think that's just sleep though. She'd probably know how fast you breath when you sleep. Heh, she's good with stuff like that.

The curtains are letting through that tiny sliver of light that would usually bother you at night, but right now?

Oh boy.

Can anyone be more beautiful? Maybe I'll have a chance to talk with Zenny about stuff like this. That'll be nice. We haven't talked much since Mondatta… I know he doesn't blame me, I just think I remind him how the two left on kinda bad terms. He didn't get to say goodbye, did he?

…

That was a close one, wasn't it?

…

I made Emily cry that night, didn't I?

…

…

I know she says otherwise, but she's really out of my league. She's far too good for me. Not that I'm ever giving back what we've fought for. We make our own lemons, Life, suck it if it's too sweet for you.

But seriously? Holding me close when all I want to do is hide from it all and cry? Taking care of my battered remains when I collapse at the door? Being there for me when I can only scream and shout at the world, at how powerless I am and how cruel reality is?

Throwing away her biggest chance for fame and fortune and joining Overwatch to support me even after I tried to break up with her, having never considered her feelings on the matter until she showed up at Gibraltar a week later?

I must'a been a saint in a previous life to have deserved her.

…

I think I'd die for her. I mean, keeping people safe and inspiring good is why I fight.

I just don't think I'd still be human at the end of it all. Not without her.

I wouldn't be who I am today without her, not in any way. I probably wouldn't have passed finals, or have taken the world record (still mine, by the way, and it'll take a while to dethrone me yet mwah ha ha).

And after the accident? I think she's the only reason I'm still sane, and only half of that was her psychiatry.

Now I'm out of the lab cum psych ward, here, with her once more.

Home.

I want to feel her right now, beside me. To hold her close. To kiss and feel her.

I can't help but rest my hand on her skin. Her cheeks look so smooth. While the freckles don't feel any different, I like to imagine little stories for our future as I trace them.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of my finger just a moment ago, and it's a reassuring illusion that perhaps a part of me will always be with her. What was it? Chrono-synesthesia? Something like that. Something about how my senses adapted to the whole time thing. Where I sometimes feel a part of my body as if it was in the past, and that causes a momentary crack in my focus, meaning that a tiny bit does begin to slip back before I bring it under control. I think Athena's taken to calling it "Oxton's Syndrome". Winston is often too polite to comment.

…

Her cheek is smooth. I already knew that, but I had to remind myself… Oops. She's waking up.

…

I push up and lean over her.

…

She's so beautiful.

I begin to gently kiss her.

…

Ah, here she comes.

It's only a moment before she kisses back. I know, I counted.

I try to pull back, but she follows for a little bit before blinking into awareness.

"Morning, love."

Do you know how much I mean it when I say that to you? Do I convey every ounce of my truth to you?

She turns her head towards my voice slightly.

Ah, there are those wonderful eyes. I like watching the tiny movements in them. You could probably explain it all, right? Ah, now you're beginning to focus on me.

This is why I wake up, I think. Little moments like this, when all that matters is her eyes on me, demanding nothing of me, of Tracer, instead just hoping to see a little bit more of me, Lena.

It's addicting.

"Lee~naa~"

…

Just how cute can she get?

I think I just squealed a little bit at her cuteness.

* * *

 

Lena finally relents, leaving me wasted from her assault. Such a cunning general. She knows I have no energy in the mornings, and I don't often expect to see her anyway. Stealth and terrain are on her side. Sun Tzu would be ashamed of me.

Honestly, how could she expect me to function without coffee?

I shouldn't have tempted fate by asking for a kiss. What should I have done though? Consult Clausewitz? Remember that Lena is the terrible trinity realised? Throw the teachings of Nash out the window because Lena will just give give give and take take take as she pleases?

Uh, my mind is like the fog of war, I'm nowhere near alert enough for this.

Lena, on the other hand, my honey, love, sweetness, and angel, all these lovely positive images rolled into one, is bouncing around in front of the coffee machine, taking her sweet time.

…

Okay, it's not a bad thing really.

After all, it is a wonderful view right before my eyes as I look up from the table at the miles upon miles of open leg and gentle skin and very tight shorts.

Just, one just cannot compose sonnets without caffeine, no? And my thoughts cannot stay far from imagining being back in bed, preferably with Lena's smaller frame held as close as possible. Drifting off to sleep…

"Up and at em' luv."

"Hu-?" My mouth feels weird. Was I sleeping?

"I think this'll fix you right up. Now, watch the stove while I get showered."

Ah~

Coffee~

Sweet methylxanthine psychoactives~

How I've missed you in these far too long hours since yesterday morning.

Oh, and I should probably keep an eye on the stove too.

But more importantly... 

Cerebellum, do your job in handing me my lifeblood! Parietal gyrus, keep me from spilling this precious liquid! And pons... keep the sweet stuff flowing!

Ah, I think it's funny how the brain named itself.

… But anyway, too much musing when I should be watching the stove. I suppose it's not like a pot, so it should be fine. That was a good snippet of Next Generation.

Looks fine so far.

…

…

…

I want to kiss Lena…

…

…

…

Bad thoughts…

…

…

…

Well, last time we shared a shower didn't go that badly, did it?

…

Hm.

Then again, it'll be better seeing Lena with fuzzy hair. That's always a lot of fun.

…

...

I wish I hadn't left all my plushies in the bedroom…

Then again… Lena is 35% more fluffy than her plushie is…

…

Operation Snugglefest is a go.

* * *

 

???

I'm confused.

I was getting dressed when all of a sudden a wild Emily suddenly latched onto me.

Don't get me wrong. It's most definitely a nice feeling.

And she's just so darned adorable right now~

But didn't I ask her about something?

"Emily, love, did you turn the stove off?"

…

…

Don't look at me with such confused eyes.

I get worried, you know?


	4. Christmas Day(break)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena and Emily enjoy a slow Christmas morning.

Dear me, today I woke up before Emily.

I don't know why I'm thinking to myself like this, but it sounds silly, so let's keep at it.

So, as always, Emily is the most beautiful person I know.

And I get to watch her sleep. It's nice.

But I really want her to wake up.

Seeing her open those ever curious little eyes and so obviously relax the moment she sees me? What a feeling.

Where, with even just that one look, I can see just how much I matter to her?

How open and trusting and sincere she is with me?

That even in these half conscious moments she still takes immediate comfort in knowing I'm here?

I'm kinda maybe a little bit in love.

And the weirdest thing?

Sometimes it's like I only just realised that she loves me. It can be a little intense with how much trust she has in me, how much she would give up for me.

Déjà vu. I know this feeling.

It was at Gibraltar, wasn't it?

Seeing her there, only hours after trying to break up with her over the phone because I didn't have the courage to be face-to-face, trying to find me before being pointed in my direction by a nervous and stunned Winston.

…

She didn't slap me. She had every right to, especially after what I just did.

But her every word twisted that sense of guilt and self-directed loathing that had already lodged itself in my heart, making it all the more painful, and all the more apparent, like my chest was being torn open beneath the humming chronal accelerator.

_"Don't. Don't disappear on me again. Please. I– … just– … last time I couldn't even say goodbye. You just, weren't there anymore. Don't do this to me again. Talk to me. Say something. I want to be there for you. That's all I want. But if you truly don't want to see me anymore, then say it. Look me in the eye and say it."_

She had hugged me as she cried. She's taller than me, yet I had never seen her look so _small_. It broke the dam inside me.

I remember that I began crying as I latched onto her.

_"I… … I… don't do this. You know I can't. I just don't want you to worry about me. What if I get hurt?!"_

_"Dummy. You're only making me more worried. I want to be there for you, even if you get hurt. I always will. I'll be there wherever and whenever you need me."_

_"But what would you do? You can't just follow me around the world! It's dangerous!"_

_"Says the one who just signed up."_

_"But that's different! And I thought we already agreed that a long distance relationship wouldn't work!"_

She probably snuggled in closer to me.

_"I was thinking about something a little closer to home."_

_"Home? What–? How? But I'll be stationed all over the world! And when I am back home, I might be zipped away on a mission at the drop of a hat!"_

Emily wiped her tears away at this, giving me the brightest smile I had ever seen.

_"Dummy. Home is where the heart is. Obviously, I'm coming with you."_

…

Yeah, I don't know what I ever did to deserve her, but whoever I was in a past life, thank you. I owe you one.

Speaking of blessings, Emily's waking up. Hello beautiful~.

One moment she's just lying there, the next her eyes are beginning to crack open. She doesn't make much noise, but there's this look of not being quite here with me yet.

She blinks and her eyes come into focus. It's fascinating to watch all the tiny movements they make as they home in on mine.

She smiles involuntarily and moves to snuggle in closer, her arm drawing around me.

"Morn'n." She says. She's cute when she's waking up.

I kiss her freckles.

"Morning." I mumble before smiling into the kiss.

I kiss her forehead.

"Good morning." I can smell her hair with this one.

I kiss her lips.

"And Merry Christmas, love." I pull back and look into her eyes.

She blinks once, twice, three times. Then she remembers the what day it is.

"A Merry Christmas to you too, Lena."

This time she kisses me on the lips, holding us together as my heart feels so very full and calm and at peace.

 

* * *

 

It's not every day that I get the pleasure of lounging in bed with Lena. Yes, we have to get to open our presents and go to the party, but that's later, and here is now. As far as I'm concerned, my Christmas present is having Lena back home, knowing she's okay.

What's that line my parents always quote? There's a lifetime in a second? It's probably right, knowing them.  And yet, as I curl up around her, I want even more time with her. It's greedy and selfish, but knowing that she's here and she's safe and she's warm...

It's addicting.

"You ever get that feeling that love is too small a word to describe what we have?"

I blink. That's an odd one.

"Honestly? Not really. It's just a word."

"Yeah, I gettcha. But think about it? It's only four letters. Yet it tries to describe so much…"

Lena stretched her hand out, grasping for something that wasn't quite there.

"If I could choose, I'd describe what we have as being _us_."

"... You do realise that's even shorter?"

Lena pauses.

"That's not what I mean. At least, I don't think so. It's more like love is this thing that describes what everyone feels, even though they don't all feel the same things? But our feelings are _our_ feelings. So _us_ , whatever that is, has to be something that describes all of how we feel, right?"

I take my time on this one.

"Forget it, I'm just rambling…" She hides her face again.

"No. No you're not. It's perfectly fine. I just wasn't expecting it."

I lean in closer, mumbling a little.

"I guess I never really thought about it. What words we use to describe who we are? How we feel? I guess I just never felt that it needed to be any one word. Or maybe that there's not really words for it at all? Like, how we experience these feelings, as opposed to just repeating the words. There's something beyond the words, so while we can use them to help find and understand our feelings, we can't let our feelings be limited to just words."

Lena places a hand on mine, the one around her stomach.

"I think I like the part about there not just being only one word. It's like why we have books, right? That's where your thinking's going, isn't it?"

I hum, wondering about it.

"I don't know. Maybe. But, that there's also something outside of what we can express with just words, perhaps? Something profound about our feelings not being just words, but being things of their own, which we try to identify with our words, such that we can better understand them. Or something. I don't know… But I guess not just having the one word for it, whatever it is, is a good start."

Lena is looking at me by now, her face closer than I had realised.

Okay, I ended up rambling a bit there. I don't even know where I was going with it. And now those eyes are turned to me, I just want to shut up and cuddle.

So I do.

Though I sneak in a quick kiss first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I suppose the supplementary subtitle would be: "And the author decides to delve into a tiny character study on Christmas because why not"? Honestly, it's an idea that I've had kicking around for a while and it's part of a larger whole this time, so there will be following chapters that hopefully come out soon (please for once stick to a schedule me) that follow the title style "Holiday ...(...)", because somewhere in my brain there is this tiny thing that looks at the Evangelion movies and goes "that's an interesting naming scheme" and it's probably somewhere near the puns and my inability to come up with names in general. Mostly though, I wanted to write something fluffy for Christmas, because that's when this all started, so it felt like a good idea at the time. Then it branched off into something larger that combined several ideas I had shelved, and so in order to get it out on time I had to split it up a little.
> 
> Don't worry (if you even care about this), Express Delivery is coming, I'm just terrible at writing them interacting in public (and that's a little hint for what's to come). I'm a little sad we didn't get a Lemon Tea comic this year (because that's what it is, yes it's mostly about Tracer but it all revolves around everyone finding their own place and home in the end and that's what I love about it, and that's what I try to get across with these) but I think I want those art and anthology books more... Dammit Blizz, making me want to buy things!

**Author's Note:**

> I try to update this, and usually have a few running ideas, but I'm usually pretty harsh on them and want them to be really quite good, mostly because I'm quite fond of Downtime, especially since it's kinda what kicked me back into writing and has helped me scrape off some of the muck and grime from my writing. I'd done stuff before and always have had a few ideas that I try out, but this actually started happening and I continued to like it, unlike a permanently on-hiatus story back on FF.net where I really don't know where I was going. Trust me, those were short sentences by my older standards. Imagine this paragraph, but as a single sentence. Grammatically, it works. Horrible to read and focus on. Happens less now. Usually.
> 
> So since this is the re-release, I'll be posting a new chapter soon. It'll also be posted over on FF, and will continue to be. Sadly, I can't automatically cross post updates without writing my own macro (and I'm not that desperate yet) but I'll try to keep them rolling nevertheless.
> 
> I'll try to push out more frequently. It'll probably be on the order of once or twice a month to start with, however since my schedule's changing, I'll try to see if I can start writing more in general. Volume at least lets me filter out some of the noise and learn what to pay attention to.


End file.
